Hello all!
Today I want to introduce my past selves to y'all. I may be new to the selling aspect of healing work, but I've been working on myself and dabbling with energies since I was little. This will be longer than I'm intending it to be mostly because I'm drinking some lovely elderflower cider and it makes me want to write more.
TDLR: I've been through a lot of shit mentally and emotionally in my life. Introspection and a desire to change, helped to get me to a place where I wanted to learn about spirituality and work with my spiritual team. Living in Korea has been a key factor for a lot of the change. And I am very grateful for all of the experiences I've had in my life both good and bad because it all brought me closer to my spiritual family.
What inspired me a lot when I was little were the magical and fantasy TV shows all over kids shows. I loved watching My Little Pony, Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, Power Rangers, X-Men, etc. I also enjoyed watching slice of life shows like Doug, Clarissa, Hey Arnold, Pete and Pete, etc., mostly because they felt like a life I would never have and I wanted to see how other people lived. I figured those were lives of people who weren't in my family. Now I know they're mainly stylized shows with parts of truth in them. But when I was little, I believed that was how other people behaved at home.
My family is Christian, and I was raised Presbyterian. I'm lucky to have been raised in the Presbyterian church because most of the followers weren't hyper Christian and seemed to enjoy life as it is rather than idealize it. As I got older, I sometimes snuck out of the children's church room to listen to the sermons and stories about Bibical wonders and miracles. It was all very shiny and marvelous to my fantasy oriented mind. As I grew older and went to other churches, I realized that things were very different. And those differences were caused by people. Some churches were more controlling than others because their pastors wanted to control everything. Others were not as shiny and warm as my old church. And I found myself drifting away because I couldn't find people like the pastor I had listened to in my childhood. So I still believe in God and his powers, because he bestowed powers to me and it's because of him that I can use them. I do not go to church any more because it's rigid and the expectations can change so much. I have called myself Christian in more of a spiritual sense for the past 4-5 years.
When I was about 26 years old, I started realizing how past experiences had shaped how I reacted to current situations. This mainly came up because I wanted to try dating but had a hard time making connections with guys because I was afraid of them and I had learned to internalize a lot of feelings and emotions about almost anything. When I was 12 I was stalked in a public mall while shopping for a gift for my brother. No one helped me but myself and most likely my spiritual team. And when I finally made it back to the store my aunt was in, crying about the strangeness of the situation, the clerk called the mall police who did nothing (because the boy worked at Spencers). They said we would have to file a police report; which never happened because my aunt didn't have time and I'm not sure if she ever told my mom. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever told my mom beause I was afraid she'd not do anything too. I had other similar power grabbing instances between me and older men since then. Those were the reasons why I didn't date at all and had 0 guy friends outside of work. I didn't want those experiences again. So at 26, I started looking and trying different ways to overcome those traumatic times in my life. I wasn't terribly successful at it, but I started looking at the source of problems instead of just reacting to feelings and situations.
Later, I took a Curandismo class on Coursra and learned how food can heal. I practiced using tarot mainly to divine the future and became so accurate that I'd see visions of future events in the cards. Eventually I drifted away from tarot because I didn't like a lot of the answers (lol) and I didn't understand how my choices would shape the future rather than riding on a rail to my destination. I also invested heavily in the JMT allergy testing because I thought it could remove the thoughts I didn't like hearing in my head. It all go worse when I turned 30 and was working 2 part time jobs because I wanted to make enough money to live on my own comfortably.
I was a severe introvert with poor boundaries communicating with over 50 people a day at my main job and then working as a cashier in a liquor store on the weekends and evenings. I had been seeing 3 different therapists because they all seemed to not get it. Eventually I burnt out and collapsed at work because I mentally couldn't take it anymore. When I went back to work after 2 months and asked for some concessions, they were very apprehensive about anything I asked for saying it was my fault for collapsing (which is true in part) and that I should have communicated my needs more. After that meeting I decided that job and workplace was not for me and I needed to look elsewhere. I then went to a life coach, who forever transformed my life. She helped me see the parts of me that I had crushed down because they didn't fit in with any of the jobs I'd held since I'd been able to work. She showed me where I could find work that would fit my needs. She helped me envision what it would be like in a workplace where my needs were met. And because of her, I decided to try to teach in Korea again (this was my third attempt).
Since being in Korea, I had found that a lot of my workplace issues came back up again. I was very confused because supposedly this was a completely different culture but here I am, facing those sly beaches who do everything to make themselves look good while bringing others under them. Or just acting a certain way to avoid work. At the time, I also followed several spiritualists from around January 2017 and started dabbling in working with my spirit guides only. That made the isolation easier to handle but didn't help with my anxiety and inner turmoil. Ironcially later that year, my dad became severly sick. I had gone home for Chuseok, happy to see my family again; and I came back a hollow shell, severely depressed because my family hadn't communicated any of the problems with me and they had pushed me out of the house because right when I was flying home, one of the employees at work contracted Hepatitis A. My dad had blood issues at the time so he couldn't chance it until I had gotten tested and received negative results.
After coming back to Korea, I started therapy again with a wonderful therapist. Her methods and suggestions made my life 180% better when dealing with parts of my inner turmoil. My dad died before the end of the year, and I felt like a sham. I had been learning about spiritual healing work, and no matter the amount of energy I sent him or asked others to send, he still got an infection and died. At the time it was very demoralizing. I almost stopped believing in spirituality and my abilities. Fortuantely, I just did things that made me happy, like seeing the sunrise over the eastern sea on New Years morning and going to the Olympics, and while doing things that made me happy, I also started accepting disappointments and negative feelings. This helped me get back into spirituality in late 2018, early 2019 by learning more curanderismo from Luz Astral and learning to read tarot cards for self improvement through Joan Zodianz. I was able to successfully stand up for myself at my old job and transition into a new job even though my former bosses put up a lot of barriers to stop me from leaving.
My new job was better for time management and breaks between classes, and I focused hard in 2019 with bettering myself and giving myself the tools I needed to make energetic changes. I began working with my ancestors like Luz encouraged. I started learning from MadreAguaMarket33 because she talks a lot about her own ancestors and how she works with them. I made oils and tinctures. I started working with crystals because they helped me sleep so peacefully. I practiced with reading tarot for present energy rather than future energy; as inspired by Maria's (anandamana) readings on instagram and Youtube. 2019 also had many problems as well because that boss liked to cut corners, even if there are laws about not cutting certain corners. I also had a coworker who liked to send out bad energy to people just because she wanted to. I was sick a lot that year until I learned to make amulets to protect myself and send her energy back. I learned a lot about energy and how it flows between people and spaces. I'm still learning about managing my own energy and maintaining my own protection through plants, stones, prayers, and intention. Even though I had difficulties getting enough sleep and managing all the different energies coming at me, I still opened myself up to new experiences and that's how I landed my current job.
I was originally afraid to teach preschool children mostly because I can be a very strict person and I can make kids cry because I tell them the things they don't want face. I figured those traits would make me a bad preschool teacher. While working here, I've learned why I have those habits and how I can overcome them. I have the space to communicate almost openly with my boss because we're the same age. I've begun to start trusting people and myself in situations. I've broke through so many habits and old beliefs and systems in 2020 mostly because of COVID and this job since I finally have time to think and process deep emotions and not worry too much about terrible energy from work. 2020 has been an amazing year for me especially since I started working with The Mztyk Raven and (more recently) Simone the Moon Goddess by sponsering their work. I also started following Khozmiq and Hoodoo Moses for building knowledge about conjure and spirit work. My ancestors like the safety precautions in Hoodoo and how it uses words to build deeper meanings from simple starts. 2020 has had many down points for me because of the heavy shadowwork and problems I've been experiencing in daily life. I am so incredibly thankful for this year regardless of those times. They've brought me to where I am today.
Thanks for reading this long post about myself. Next time I'll be writing about my spiritual team. Love to y'all!